I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Ogre
by PoliticalGeniuses69
Summary: Bill Clinton is restless as a massive green male ravishes his city and maybe himself..?


It was a beautiful day in 1995 and (President) Bill Clinton gazed seductively out of the window of the Oval Office. There he looked upon the mucus green grass of the White House lawn. It was a beautiful day in the District of Columbia (White House Land) and Bill Clinton just couldn't contain his arousal in his penis - he had a boner, a very very presidential one. But his smile faded as screams began to erupt from the downtown area of Washington. His eyes widening in fear, Bill Clinton could do nothing but stare as he watched flocks of people run in fear away from the epicenter of the madness. Wondering what was the cause of all this terror, he switched on his vintage-ass-presidential-ass 1995 TV, but all of the channels were a shade of green static. In a panic, Bill Clinton turned back to the window only to be greeted with the view of a terrifying creature chasing the terrified civilians across the White House lawn. They were terrified. The creature was tall, muscular and muscusular, standing at a height of about 7 feet 3 inches tall. He was approximately 769 pounds big. His long green ears flapped in the wind as he lunged forth with great gusto, capturing his victims and then swallowing them whole! Bill Clinton stood frozen at the window as his secret service guys barged in in a panic.

"Mr. President, we have to get you out of here! The ogre is allegedly after you! He"

Just as the secret service guy was finishing his sentence, the ogre, in a previously unseen jetpack, jumped up onto the balcony outside and crashed through the Oval Office window dickly.

"Hey what the balls man! That window costs lots and lots of dollar bills!" cried Bill Clinton shittily.

"Shut up," the blunt response. Bill Clinton and his secret service guys cowered in fear as the beast stole Mr. Presidento from his abode!

"Hey, put me down you horrible piece of mucus anus"

"Not even if you gave me 5000 onions!"

"I will give you 5001 onions!"

"Shut up you capitalist pig" was the cruel response. He was merciless in his diction. He dragged Bill Clinton by his ears out of the room as the secret service guys were left to fight to the death. They ended up eating each other to death but that's another story (see our wikipedia page) (don't download the pdf illegally though thats illegal . YOu wouldn't steal a house would you? So why steal a book!?) Anyway, as Bill Clinton was being dragged by his earlobes he heard the booming voice come into his ears once again. In a lilting Scottish accent, the beast asked gently, "What's your name?"

"I'm...I'm Bill. Bill Clinton," replied Bill Clinton.

"I'm Shrek," said the one called Shrek.

 _Shrek_. The name rang in his ears like a choir of angels falling through the infinite glory of Valhalla. He closed his eyes and imagined that the stranger was taking him away to a secret place.. Away from his presidential responsibilities, away from Hillary. Away from himself. To a beach far, far away. If only… If only...

Bill Clinton shook himself. What was he thinking? He was being kidnapped by some kind of ogre! He had a country to run! He looked up at the ogre and began to fight. He kicked and scratched and threw punches as he was dragged across the dew-soaked grass but to no avail. The ogre only pulled more strongly upon his ears. Bill Clinton was tired and his ears were pealing. He needed to moisturize.. He was so, so tired. As he closed his eyes, he heard the Scottish accent in his unmoist ears once again as the Ogre declared:

"I'm taking you away from your swamp and back to my swamp!" Shrek read Fight movie not the book.

That was the last thing Bill Clinton heard before he passed out in a mind-sea of arousal and fear.

"Wake up sleepy head, I made eggs and bacon," said a voice.

"Hillary? Is that you?" Bill Clinton questioned, still groggy with sleep."

"Heh heh. Nay, it is I," responded the voice. Bill Clinton sat up in a fit of confusion. In front of him sat the green ogre, batting his eyelashes furiously. What? Bill Clinton thought. Wasn't that a dream? I can't be here. But he really was -and he knew it-!

"Verily art thou art my new donkey."

"I...I really need to go back to Washington…" struggled Bill Clinton.

"Nay. Ye must stay with I. Me donkey hath passed away and I'm in need of a new one," came the one who was Shrek's reply.

"What who's is that? Your donkey?"

"Aye. His wife ate him. She wanted a divorce and she got it." Shrek's face was dark and shadows formed under his eyes. A single tear dripped sexily down his naked face as he remembered the face of his animal comrade of old.

Bill Clinton hung his head in sadness at this sad, sad tale that he was being told by the one who was Shrek. He could see the sadness in shrek's Ogre eyeballs and he, too, felt the dull pain of melancholy within his presidential heart and penis and balls and scrotey. He wanted to make Shrek feel better. He wanted to make him happy. But no, Shrek was his kidnapper, not a new friend or...lover? No. Bill Clinton shook his head in defiance.

Shrek looked at him gayly and weirdly the look Hilary gave the meme muncher when she did sexy to mr. prEzy Pres. "Why are you shaking your head" he memed.

Bill Clinton looked up, startled. "I'm not. Leave me alone. I am just thinking about how I must return to my Woman, Hillary Clinton, first Lady of the United States of America."

Shrek let out a mighty roar. "YOU ARE NO LONGER IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA," he cried out. "How many times do I have to tell you? This is my swamp."

We will now take a moment away to sway the reader's mind away from the hardcore shrek sex (shrex) that is about to ensue and explain a really serious and complex subject: The Order and Vision of those who really rule the mortal WOrld, No god and man, but instead a secret organization of powerful green and blue males who control the cultural and ideological memes that human Beings our brains are exposed to. These power blue and green males filter out any mention of this insane new revolutionary meme: Shrekonomics. The details of Shrekonomics? Well good question my young small green eared scottish. the whole concept of Shrekonomics

Anyway. So Bill Clinton cowered in fez. Suddenly he developed Stockholm Syndrome and fell in love with Shrek. Bill Clinton sat in the dark dank cave that he was in with the one who was Shrek. Suddenly I'm not half the man I used to be. But shrek can make me a full man i want to be. Shrek lookedover and said

"Oy! matey! lets matey!"

Bill clinton batted his eyelashes presidentially. "Ok then, lover" he said Alec Resurrectionly.

"Aye, removeth thine cluthin and tunic'" said shrek memely.

"It's a suit not a tunic. I'm the president remember?" said bill clinton in protest.

"Fuck ye matey! THIS IS MY SWAMP!

There it was. the sentence that made Bill Clinton fall in love with Shrek over and over again. They then had very very very extremely passionate shrex (intercourse). Bill clinton's butt sighed wistfully, thinking about the good old days. These were them. It was better than Nam...better than Hillary… He simply could not function as POTUS with out Shrek in his BUTTUS. With Shrek,being his lover everything just felktcomplete and green and mucus in a very dity way.

When shrek finished he propped bill clinton up on the shelf and did an irish jig. Then he fell asleep on the floor and Bill Clinton snuck out sneakily. He kissed shrek's ear stem gently and fled the did he know shrek's plan!

"De ye went ein berger?"

"No I want you, Shrekus"

"I went e bergere"

"Than lettuce get one with lettuce" he saidleakly

Back in DC, there was an amber alert for the President of the United States (Bill Clinton)on everyone's iPhones. Bill Clinton ran back to the white house where Hillary Clinton, First Lady of the United States, was sitting.

And so Sonic closed story book and looked up.

"And that, children, is the story of love."

River Phonics and DIck Khenye West were sitting besides the fireplace longing for the story to continue, but it would never come…

"Grandpa! Grandpa! Is there going to be more?"

Sonic looked into the camera and had a heart attack and died.

THe kids were traumatized for life. They had lots of mental problems later. After that he would go and masturbate in the fields. That was one of the problems they had.

THE END


End file.
